Elias' Birth Story

Elias' Birth Story

When I was pregnant I loved hearing and reading others birth stories and you get such a wide variety of mothers willing to share. Birth is an unpredictable thing, so you don't know what will happen during your child's birth. So, this is my story to encourage other Mamas and Mamas to be. In no way does it mean this will be your story.

Life Hack

Let me begin by saying Elias was over due. This felt like an eternity when I was so fixated on one date. He came close to the 42 week mark which is really normal for your first baby. So for my Mamas to be, I'd recommend not focusing on the due date, but just embracing everyday with your little one growing inside of you. Some parents are not so lucky and deliver premature. I was reminded of this by a friend and counted myself blessed to be over-due. Although, I need to be honest and say I was uncomfortable in every single way those last few weeks. 

This wasn't even 42 weeks yet and you can just see how swollen I was getting. Big little Eli. 

The Days Before

I was so ready to meet Elias. I was walking, bouncing on my exercise ball, and was exercising at my local crossfit gym every single day up until I went into labor. This wasn't because I love fitness. I do, but when your belly is feeling huge and you can barely breathe, exercise just isn't quite so fun. This was my attempt at getting labor going. I went to several appointments to check in on Eli before his birthday. Making sure he was okay. I knew he was perfectly fine, great even. He was constantly moving and "dancing." He didn't want to leave his warm home and I can't blame him.

 For Mature Readers Only

It was getting close to the 42 week mark and my doctors wanted to schedule me for an induction. I really wanted to deliver Eli naturally with no medical intervention whatsoever. Not even a ib prouphen. So, I opted for the mucus sweep. It was as great as it sounds…(not at all.) After this I went to grocery shopping with my husband and the contractions began. They were light, but I was excited. I looked up at my husband and said he's going to come soon. And I knew he would come before an induction was needed. I continued to walk around and bounce to help get things moving. 

Later That Night

Things started kicking up a notch and I couldn't sleep. My contractions were 3-5 minutes apart. And I couldn't sleep through them. I woke my husband and went for the exercise ball. And bounced through every contraction.  My husband said I was probably getting ahead of myself and he slept a little longer. I finally woke him around 3am and said it may be time to head to the hospital. And to call his work to let him know he'd be a little busy that day. As soon as we got up to the delivery ward it was like my contractions decided to space out a bit. They started coming every 6-8 minutes. I did feel embarrassed when I found out I was only 3cm dilated. They recommended I labor at home a little longer until things got a little more intense. 

Back Home We Went

I was feeling a little defeated from returning home from the hospital. The contractions were about 5 minutes or so apart and painful. Not to mention, in between every contraction, my sweet little guy was kicking and punching. He was not giving my uterus a break. I attempted to take a nap. I was only able to sleep for minutes at a time. I finally gave up on sleeping and jumped in the shower. Things pumped up another notch. And the pain was to where I finally started to moan to get through them. My husband made me my "last meal" which was very difficult to eat although it was delicious. When I'm in pain, I'm not so hungry. Who'd have guessed? ;) But, I ate because I knew I would need my strength. 

Familia

I asked that our families not be apart of my labor. I really wanted to be able to zone out and just hone in on my primitive instincts. But, my in-laws were supposed to watch the dogs. So, they did come by to check in on me while I was laboring at home. Danny's mother was super sweet. She helped brush my hair, feed me, and put counter pressure on my back through the contractions. I was very thankful for her. I did ask them to leave after a while and they respected this. Around 6pm, Danny felt like we should head to the hospital, he could tell things were very intense for me. I was glad for intuition throughout the process. 

Back to the Hospital

Now this car ride was so uncomfortable. I could barely stand to be sitting the way I was in the car. I wanted to be moving, bouncing, squatting, something! When we finally made it, it took them way longer to get me checked in. I wanted to walk up the stairs to the labor ward and they said they legally had to wheel me which didn't happen the first time. I agreed, not happily though. Like I said, I was wanting to move. I got up to my room and asked immediately for a ball. When my midwife checked me I was at 7cm. Woo hoo, this trip was not in vain. They asked if I wanted some medicine to help me sleep since they knew I hadn't had any sleep in over a day. I was tempted because sleep sounded so good. And I knew I needed rest as go time was approaching. But, when they said it would make Eli drowsy, too. I declined. I guess no sleep for this Mama. 

Lights Down Low

Since it was night time now, they let me continue to labor in the dark which just felt right. They only put the monitor on me every few hours to check on things. I was thankful for this because those monitors aren't very comfortable during contractions. The exercise ball was my best friend during labor. I'm not quite sure why, but it helped so much during contractions. Danny and my midwife, Laura, would occasionally switch back and fourth with giving me some counter pressure during the contractions. This was a huge help as well. I do have to say, at one point, Danny did fall asleep on my back during a contraction. I was pretty pissed and let out an "are you freaking serious?!" (haha) But, thankfully Laura stepped in to save the day for him. I will say probably the only time I was upset with him the whole experience. 

The Tub

I got into the tub two separate times and again my husband fell asleep on the tub by my side. I was okay with it though since he was putting a cool wash clothe on my face. I believe at one point, Laura came in and let him go get some coffee. She was the one putting the wash clothe on me to help cool me down. The hot tub was like temporary pain relief, but being so hot, the cool clothe felt like such a relief.  During my last time in the tub, Danny drowsy by my side in the dark bathroom, I began to feel like pushing. I felt my voice deepen, and the moans were changing once again. Danny went to get Laura. I told them it was time. Laura said she had to check me. I asked her not to because I knew. But, she said she had to. 

10cm Dialated and Fully Effaced

The words I longed to hear were here and it was time. I choose to be in a squat position for active labor. It seemed like a natural position to deliver in. They turned the lights on again which didn't really jive well with my mindset. I wanted it dark, but they needed to see. So, it was time to zone out. I remember looking down and seeing Danny to my left and Laura and my nurse to my right. They all seemed in a relaxed position. I closed my eyes and the pushing began. It was a different kind of pushing than I've ever done before. In the gym, I always breathe with a movement. In this you almost hold your breath when you push. 

And My Water Breaks

That's right. My water didn't break until active labor. And it was insane! I swear water covered the floor and everyone in the room. Gross, right? haha I think I even apologized. But, then came crowning. Definitely the worst pain ever. I can't say it was one of those magical moment where I felt in ecstasy. I wanted to run from the pain. I was screaming and just could not stop pushing. Laura kept telling me to slow down and control it. I've always been one to just keep pushing through until the end. Pain is temporary and I knew the quicker he was born, the sooner the pain would be over. And maybe my crossfit WOD mindset wasn't the best. Because looking back I wish I would've been able to breathe and slow it down. With only a few pushes later, many power screams, and he was here. 

It Felt Like Minutes

And apparently it was. Later, they told me this was the fastest active labor they'd seen from a first time Mom. Born at 1:33AM after over 30+ hours of labor. After delivery they told me I could relax. Wow, was my baby really here? I fell back from my squat position and laid back flat on to the table. I could barely open my eyes. I was the most exhausted I'd ever been in my whole life. I could hear cries and I could hear Danny saying that I did it and that Elias was here. He said how beautiful he was.

When I First Saw My Son

I looked down at him. He was all blue and purple. Screaming so loud. I held him so lightly and began saying, "Shh, it's okay, Mommy is here." But, those cries were the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. A noise I had long waited to hear. I was holding my beautiful and healthy baby. My husband kept telling me to open my eyes. And I just felt the strength depart from my body. My midwife had Danny cut the cord. I wanted to wait and do delayed cord clamping like on my birth plan. But, I couldn't speak for some reason. She asked me to push the placenta out. Which somehow I did. When I opened my eyes the room was full of nurses.

What's Happening?

I couldn't hold my eyes, never mind, my newborn son. I could hear my husband saying, "baby, look at him, open your eyes." One of the many nurses came by and put him on a bassinet. One nurse said she was going to put some medicine in my IV to help me. My IV had blown and I felt a burning in my arm. Which was nothing compared to the burning I was feeling from delivery. They nurses seemed all in a panic. Everyone was doing something different. I had three new IVs placed, and two shots of patocin in each thigh. 

Why Can't I Breathe?

I felt my breaths becoming shallow. My stats were dropping. An oxygen mask placed on my face. I looked over at my sweet son still crying in the bassinet. A nurse by his side. Why can't I hold him? I want my baby so badly. I am ashamed to say I didn't pray much this whole birth. It was a very inward experience and I looked to myself for strength. But, my strength was not enough. As I looked at my son. I begged. I prayed. Please Lord, let me live. I want to be his Mommy. I want to be there for him. 

Stay With Me

I heard my husband say to me as he filled my oxygen mask. He kept saying it over and over as he held my hand so tightly. I couldn't find the strength to say anything back. But, I tried to lock eyes with him. He wanted to help the nurses save me. He wanted to help. But, he was perfect just holding my hand tightly. I heard Laura say I'm sorry, but what I am about to do is going to hurt. Or something along those lines. This is where things start to blur for me. But, she was right. She began pulling blood clots from inside my uterus as a nurse pushed down from the outside of my uterus. 

Hadn't My Poor Uterus Suffered Enough?

I tried to push their hands away. I was so weak I could barely grab the nurses hand. I knew they were helping. But, the pain was so immense. My body was shaking. And I was crying out in pain. This felt like it lasted forever. I wanted it to stop so badly. My husband grabbed my hand and said squeeze my hand and another nurse came to my other side for my to squeeze her hand. I cried. Eyes still closed. Laura kept saying she was sorry. When she had gotten all the clots, they still were pushing on my uterus to help it contract. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to rest. I wanted to hold my son. It seemed as soon as she was done, my doctor arrived and had to go through the same process to make sure all the clots were out. This felt like hours. And it I believe it was at least an hour or two.

Can I Have the Drugs Now?

Nope. After all the blood loss, they couldn't give me any pain medicine. I was hurting so badly. When my uterus began to contract on it's own again, they still had to check up on it and press down on my uterus. She then stitched me up which was painful, too. I really thought the worst of the pain would've been over after delivery. Not in my case. They gave me a blood transfusion to help my levels return to somewhat normal. And when my blood oxygen levels were somewhat normal I was finally able to hold Eli again. And I finally got my ib prouphen after several hours and uterus hits later.

Postpartum Hemorrhage 

A name to my nightmare. PPH. What I didn't see behind the scenes was extreme blood loss after Elias was delivered. The nurses filled the room to help save my life. And Laura was a super hero whom worked hard to save me. After most of the painful life saving techniques were over I was able to say thank you to everyone for helping me. I definitely didn't think this would be a part of our birth story. I thought birth would be this empowering event for me. But, God had another plan. And I felt His power and His grace throughout. 

My rockstar midwife, Laura. Right after the insanity.

Sleeping Bubba

Eli was sleeping and nursed for a little while before sleeping some more. The nurses told me now is when I should rest. But, I wanted to hold him, so I stayed awake just staring at him. I looked at how beautiful he was. Not a scratch on him. How is that even possible? No cone head. Absolutely perfect. Never had I known a love could be so deep. I would do anything for this tiny human. One of my great loves. I thanked God that I was alive and able to be his Mommy. 

All 7.13# 21.5" of my sweet babe

PTSD/PTSD

This is so real. I still suffer with this. I have nightmares. I am scared of getting pregnant again. Though I do want to have one more biological child. A part of writing and telling my story will hopefully help with resolving some of the anxiety and trauma from this day. This was the closest to death I've ever been. And probably my biggest reason for living came from this. My son. So, as it was the best day of my life. It was most definitely the scariest day as well. Probably the epitome of bitter sweet. I haven't yet been to counseling for this day. But, since I still do have fear, I plan on it.

Fighting Postpartum Depression

I believe I was at an extra disadvantage of having PPD. With having a traumatic after birth experience and excessive blood loss. I was super pro-active in fighting it. Although Eli was born at the end of January. I made sure to sit out in the sunlight for a few minutes everyday. Holding him with me so he could get the benefits of all natural vitamin D. When nursing Eli I would make eye contact with him and really embrace every moment. I spent most of the first few weeks with holding him straight on my chest. So much skin to skin. Which was so beneficial for both of us. I started going for walks as soon as I was able. And I listened to a lot of Bruno Mars and did some light kitchen dancing with my sweet boy. I started really meditating and praying. As well as getting into my bible. Which it had been quite a while since I had. Happy to say that worked for me. I can't say all my proactive tips will work for everyone. But, it did for me and it helped heal my heart. 

Our first very short walk through the neighborhood at one week old. 

I hope this story helps you other Mamas, Mamas to be, and/or parents in general. It helped me to share.

 Please, feel free to comment or ask for any additional info about our story. 

XOXO,

Jacqui